just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
