I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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