WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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