Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
