The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
