Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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