I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
