Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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