he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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