And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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