so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
