Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
