sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
