my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
