I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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