I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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