Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
