i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
