i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
