If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
