i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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