This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
