i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
