I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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