Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
