The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I AM VODKA MAN
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
