Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
