Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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