Your face is a jimmy john
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
