Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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