if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.