how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The air was thick with penises
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
