Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
