If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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