The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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