When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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