did you get engaged???
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
