I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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