Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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