hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
