"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
