can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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