You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
