Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
