are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
