my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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