I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
