from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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