I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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