we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
