Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
