just tell him i said nine months
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
