Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
