I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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