is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
