We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
