K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
