he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
