i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
