I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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