I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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