how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
