Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
