so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
