Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
