Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
