trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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