she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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