my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
