I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
