Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
