so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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