im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
