I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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