He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
